


Skateboards and Fish

by saranmaglyn



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: AU, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Teenagers, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28999929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saranmaglyn/pseuds/saranmaglyn
Summary: AU in which Maggie and Jocelyn meet as teenagers, become friends and eventually recognise their feelings for each other. No 15 years of waiting.
Relationships: Jocelyn Knight/Maggie Radcliffe
Comments: 59
Kudos: 35





	1. "Do you fancy anyone?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!   
> With this short story I have tried something new, which is putting our two favourite characters into an alternative universe/reality in which they meet waaaaay earlier. My _wonderful_ friend Sam and I came up with this some time ago and I decided to try write it down. Meanwhile, they (Sam) have drawn a cute picture of the two of them as teenagers. If you want to take a look at it (and more Maggie and Jocelyn related art, for example a little comic accompanying my first story "Peanuts"), please visit their Instagram @ kojidub. I highly recommend it!   
> And now, I hope you enjoy this story :)

The wheels of her skateboard clatter over the asphalt street leading to a relative remotely located house. The way has become quite familiar to Maggie over the past weeks, since school started. It's one of the few she already knows by heart since her family moved to Broadchurch in the summer. It was tough, to leave all her friends behind up in Wakefield, all her favourite places. But she's no shy kid. On the first day of school, she was happily chatting to her classmates. She got along well with some of the boys who also skateboard in their free time. They were rather surprised by a girl doing the same and, as she proved them after school, that girl being so good at it. While she was showing off, she noticed another girl secretly watching her from a distance. A slim figure and a neat dress along with long, dark-blonde hair made her out to be the girl who she saw sitting alone in the back of the cafeteria, her nose buried in a book at all times. She has never heard or seen her speak. But she still caught her attention. Over time, it happened that they ended up at the same table during lunch. Maggie, in her usual bold, extroverted way, tried to make conversation a lot of times, receiving only short, quiet answers in the beginning. But that didn't keep her from trying again day after day. If there is one thing she could never bear to see it was someone being alone and cut off from everybody else, given that nobody here seemed to want to talk to the girl. If out of actual dislike or just because they didn't notice her, she couldn't tell. And so she learned the girl's name. Jocelyn. Jocelyn Knight. She was two or three years ahead of her and very smart. Maggie learned that she wanted to go to Oxford and study law to one day become a QC. She also learned that Jocelyn was actually very kind and funny, just quite introverted. And so it happened that they became friends, Maggie often visiting her on the afternoons and weekends, dragging her out of the house and away from her books and constant studying, like today.  
Arriving at the Knight's house, she picks up her skateboard and takes it under her arm before walking up the pebble path to the front door. With a knock, she announces her arrival.

“Hello, ma'am, is Jocelyn here?” 

Veronica Knight, a small and kind, although strict woman stands in the doorway, greeting Maggie with a smile. You could say she was waiting for her because Maggie always comes.

“Yes, let me call her, darling.”

But there was no need as Jocelyn came running down the stairs already, her hair flowing behind and her dress jumping around her legs. Jocelyn knew about Maggie being here before she even heard the knock for she kept peaking out of her window hoping that Maggie would come by again today. It always filled her with excitement when she saw and heard her skating down the street. She never had a friend like her before.

“I'm already here, mum.”, She kisses her cheek and joins Maggie outside, “See you later. Love you!”

Veronica lifts her hand to wave goodbye as the girls hurry down the path to the street and turn right on it.   
Usually, the two of them just hang out and talk, go to the beach or look at the shops on High Street, much like today. They talk about all the world and his wife, what's going on in school, how Jocelyn's studies are coming along, Maggie tells her about her life in Wakefield, Jocelyn giggles about her accent, Maggie makes fun of her… just everything. But one topic has never come up until today.

“Tell me, do you fancy anybody?”

“What do you mean?” Jocelyn gives Maggie a slightly irritated look.

“What I said, silly. Anybody you fancy? In the town or at school?”

“Er… no, not really?”

“Don't ask me, you must know it yourself. So, nobody, huh?” Maggie lets her legs dangle from the bench they're sitting on up on a cliff.

“No… Do you?”

“Nope. Don't think so. There's… someone I think is really _cool_ but that's it and I'm not telling you.”

“Oh, come on. Why not?”

“I just won't because there is no chance anyway.” 

Maggie jumps off the bench and stares at the sea with her hands in the pockets of her trousers. In her mind, she chooses a different ending for her sentence. _Because it's a girl. Because I might fancy you._ But she couldn't tell Jocelyn that. It's far too new for herself and the understanding of her feelings not even through for her. She's never felt this way about anyone. She thought if she ever would, it would be about some boy; just like all of her other girl friends. But every time she walks up to Jocelyn's house, her heart starts to beat so much faster and there's an uneasy yet good feeling in her stomach. And then she sees her and it feels like seeing God for the first time. She hides all of this behind her cool façade, though.

“Okay, then, keep your secrets. But don't expect me to tell you if I ever do fancy someone.”, Jocelyn joins her in standing up, “Anyway, I should make my way back home. Will you bring me?”

“Yep, let's go.” 

Maggie picks up her board again and they start walking back. On the street, before the house comes into vision, Maggie puts down her skateboard and slowly skates along next to Jocelyn.

“Do you wanna try, perhaps? I always use it but never asked if you'd like a go.”

“Oh, I don't know. I don't think it's for me.”

“Why?”

“Well, I'm a girl. In a dress. I really don't think I should. Or could, for that matter.”

“I'm a girl, too, if you hadn't noticed before. And the dress, well, maybe not ideal but doesn't matter. Just try it!”

“No, Maggie.”

“What are you afraid of? It's easy! Come on, Knight, be brave for once.”

“Maggie, please, I don't want to.”

“Aw, little Jocelyn Knight is afraid of stepping on a rolling board.” Maggie teases.

“You're stupid, Maggie.” Jocelyn retorts with a bitchy undertone, hurting Maggie, who stops dead in her tracks to turn to her, more than she thinks.

“Me? I'm stupid? Look at you, you snobby rich kid! Too afraid of getting a tiny dash of dirt on her fancy clothes.”

Jocelyn's jaw drops. Snobby rich kid? Her parents may be earning an alright amount of money, but they're not rich. Not like that at least. And especially not snobby. Is that what Maggie actually thinks of her?

“Goodbye, Maggie.”

Leaving Maggie standing in the middle of the road, she strides off to her home. Maggie puts her foot down on her board and looks after Jocelyn.

“FINE. I may be stupid but I at least I am NOT a COWARD!” She calls after her before turning around and skating off, continuously mumbling with a thick Yorkshire accent.


	2. Shivers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day. Reconciliation and new feelings.

“I got it, mum!” 

Jocelyn jumps down the stairs to the front door and opens it, surprised to see an all too familiar face there. 

“Don't look so surprised. You coming or what?” 

In front of her stands Maggie, cool as always, her skateboard under her arm, also as always. She actually didn't expect her to turn up here today, not after how they parted yesterday. Which was a ridiculous argument, she admits in hindsight. Being called a coward stuck with her, though. Maybe this is her chance to prove that she isn't.

“Yeah, sure. I'll just put on some shoes and tell mum that I'm gone.”

Maggie nods and leans against the door frame, watching her put on her lace-ups and then disappear into their kitchen. An argument like the one they had doesn't stop her from being her friend and visiting again. While she was a little upset for the rest of the day yesterday, she also felt bad for calling her a 'snobby rich kid'. It's really not what Jocelyn is. She can be, if she wants, but usually she isn't.  
When Jocelyn returns, she grabs the board from Maggie while closing the door and walks to the street with big steps. Maggie follows her until the house is out of sight before asking what she is up to, fearing for her precious skateboard.

“ _I_ am _not_ a coward. And I will prove it to you. Right here, right now.”

She puts the board down and her foot on it. Last minute doubts creep into her mind. She's never done this before. And the board underneath her foot doesn't feel as stable as she imagined, moving from side to side according to her foot's movement. It could all go very wrong, she thinks. And she is wearing a dress again, which is far from perfect. No backing out allowed now. Jocelyn takes a deep breath and kicks herself off. Her arms are outstretched to keep her balance as she slowly begins to skate. So far, it seems to be going alright. She turns around to look at Maggie who watches her with her arms crossed, when suddenly the board gets faster. They are on a small hill and the street bends down in front of her. Not much, but enough for her to speed up more than she likes. Jocelyn tries to keep her balance and to steer but she's drifting to one side of the road. And then the board hits the kerbside and she crashes onto the hard stone of the walkway. Maggie comes running to her immediately. First, she catches her board and then lets herself down next to her, examining the bleeding knees.

“Damn, Knight, you really aren't a coward. I was very wrong about you.”

Jocelyn looks at her with teary eyes from the shock as she rubs the dirt from her scratched palms. Then she looks at the rest of herself. The red knees and the dirt all over her. It rained during the night so it sticks to her more than she'd like.

“Bollocks.” She mutters to herself.

“It's alright. Here, I've got some tissues and a couple of bandages. Always have them with me, for cases like this.”

“Like you need them.”

“Oh, but I do! Just because I'm better doesn't mean I don't fall every now and then. Now, let me help you.”

Carefully, Maggie begins to dab the wounds on Jocelyn's knees, removing the blood as good as possible. The other girl watches her. She watches the long fingers move the tissue around and feels the slight pressure against her skin. Watches them peel the paper off the bandages and caringly put them on her scratched knees. She looks at Maggie's face, so kind and beautiful, and finds herself enjoying her care far more than she thought.

“Okay, all done.”, Maggie gets back to her feet, “Come on, I'll help you up.”

Jocelyn takes the hands she's offered and gets back into an upright position as well, her palms hurting at the touch. Then she looks at herself again.

“I can't go home like this, mum will be furious.”

With a worried expression, she tries to rub off the dirt from her dress, finding a tear in it as well. She can't reach her back enough with her hands and asks Maggie if there is anything left. With Jocelyn's back turned to her, Maggie takes a close look at the dress.

“May I?” 

She asks politely before touching the girl, who nods in agreement. Very cautiously, Maggie places her hand on her back and tries to wipe away whatever she can, moving slowly down. 

“Is it all gone?”

“Well, there's something left on your… bottom but...”

“Just… just do it quickly.”

Jocelyn exhales, waiting. She feels Maggie's swift touches and they send a shudder through her. What is this? Why is she feeling so weird? The gentle touches on her back before made her almost unable to breathe and now her stomach feels all strange. She shakes her head and tries to ignore whatever this feeling is. But suddenly Maggie's hand moves along her waist as she walks around her and then wipes something away from her stomach and she freezes. Luckily, Maggie lets go and steps away from her before noticing her shock.

“Okay, I think that's the best we can do.”

“It's still ruined. Shit, shit, shit.”

“It's just a dress, Jocelyn, why are you so worried? You got plenty more.”

“To you maybe. My mum can be very distinct. Maybe I can manage to slip in without her seeing and quickly change.”

“Sure. I can help you.”

“You would?”

“Why not?”

“Okay, let's go back, then?”

“Yep, let's.”

The girls set off back up the hill and to the house. On their way, Maggie keeps looking at Jocelyn out of the side of her eye. Might she feel like her? Might she understand if she told her what she feels? Would she still want to be friends if she confessed what she thinks she's feeling? Something she becomes more sure of the more she looks at this pretty girl next to her. This pretty girl with her cute nose, her beautiful and deep eyes, all those freckles and these crazy cheekbones. She has a much more genteel look about her than Maggie, she thinks as they walk up to the front door.

“Right, so. I'll try to open the door as quiet as possible and then we'll just run into my room. I hope it goes well.”

“I'm certain. And if your mother sees us, just keep running. I'll manage.”

“Okay.”

Jocelyn takes a deep breath and carefully opens the door wide enough for them to squeeze through. They move up the stairs and just when Maggie reaches the last step, Veronica calls after her from downstairs.

“Maggie? Back already? Where's Jocelyn?”

“Oh, er, she has to go pee. Very urgent.” Maggie assures her, just waiting to go on.

“Ah, alright then. Are you going to stay in today?”

“I think we might, if that's okay with you.”

“Of course. Have fun, you two.” 

A relieved exhale escapes Maggie as soon as Veronica disappears from the bottom of the stairs and she follows Jocelyn into her room. She closes the door behind her and leans against it, grinning at her friend who has already changed into another dress, the dirty one lying on the floor.

“That was close. Cute dress.”

“Uh, thanks.”, Jocelyn picks up the old one, “What am I going to do with this one, though? Do you think she'd notice if I just threw it away?”

Pushing herself off the door, Maggie examines the piece of clothing and then opens the wardrobe to her left. A huge range of dresses in all kinds of colours reveals itself and she laughs before closing it again.

“No, I don't think she will.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah, definitely. And if she does… tell her I borrowed it.”

Now Jocelyn laughs.

“Like that's very convincing. You don't even own dresses, do you?”

She lets herself down on her bed and leans against the wall, watching Maggie sit down the wrong way on her chair. She puts her head down on the backrest and looks back at her.

“I have dresses. Like two or three. I just don't like wearing them. They're not very practical, are they; always flying around in the wind, knees always exposed, you always have to keep your legs together when sitting down. Nah, too much bother for me. Obviously, my mum wasn't very happy when I started refusing to wear them but she's accepted it. Trousers are so much better, I'm telling you. Also, the dresses always got dirty and my mum always mad about finding another irreparable rip. Different with these.”, She slaps her legs, “It's almost like she doesn't care at all as long as I look presentable in my few dresses when family visits or we're going somewhere.”

“I can't even picture you in anything else than trousers. But I'd die to see you wearing a dress.” Jocelyn chuckles at the thought.

“One day, maybe. If you're lucky.” Maggie gazes at Jocelyn crossing her legs, “By the way, are you free tomorrow morning?”

“No, sorry, I'm going fishing with my father.”

“You… what?”

“I'm going… fishing.”

“You?!” 

Loud laughter fills the room as Maggie imagines Jocelyn, the always neat and studying Jocelyn, with a fishing rod and bucket hat. Just when she thought Jocelyn couldn't surprise her anymore, she comes around the corner with the fact that she _fishes_.

“Join us and I'll show you how I fish. We'll see who's laughing then.” Jocelyn raises her eyebrows.

“Okay, if you insist.” Her hands grip the sides of the backrest and she leans back, eyes on the other girl.

“Great. It's settled, then.”

The rest of the day is spent chatting and laughing until it's time for Jocelyn to continue her studies. Before leaving, Maggie stuffs the dirty dress into her pocket in order to sneak it out and throw it away somewhere on her way home. It looks like she has a huge bump on her waist but as long as her arm is in front of it, Veronica shouldn't notice.

“Thanks again for getting rid of the dress.”

“Ah, it's nothing. My pleasure.”, Maggie steps out of the door, “See you tomorrow, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!”

Jocelyn waves shortly as Maggie turns and strides down the path to the street before closing the door. Maggie puts her skateboard down, jumps on it and starts making her way back home. She makes a stop at a bin on the walkway and pulls the wadded dress out of her pocket. Instead of just throwing it in, she lets her hands run over the fabric and slowly raises it up to her nose. Immediately she feels like a creep and tosses it into the trash bin but the scent stays in her nose. A little bit of lavender and that very distinct Jocelyn smell which keeps her company all the way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the second chapter, I hope you liked it!


	3. Skateboard on a Boat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skateboards don't belong on boats. Jocelyn has to learn the hard way.

The next morning, Maggie arrives at the Knight's house by foot and is already awaited by two people. Jocelyn and her father are packed with fishing rods and backpacks, the man also wearing the typical bucket hat and a vest. Maggie shakes his hand and, as they set off, inspects Jocelyn's outfit.

“I didn't know you own a pair of trousers! Suits you, Ms Fisher.”

“Thanks. I very well can't wear a dress to fish. It's not _practical_.”

“So, Maggie,” Her father chimes in, “Have you ever fished before?”

“No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't. It's my first time.”

“Ah, very good, I can teach you a thing or two, then. The basics are fast to learn. Maybe you'll even catch your first fish today.”

“That'd be great!”

Jocelyn laughs silently next to Maggie. About her father's enthusiasm as he thinks of himself very highly when it comes to fishing and about Maggie's most likely to be fake enthusiasm. She doesn't know what waits for her, yet. Once her father has fully gotten into his element, it's hard to escape his lectures.  
Soon after, they reach the anchorage and Maggie has to realise with a shock that they're apparently taking a boat out to sea and won't just find a spot at the waterfront.

“You didn't say anything about boats being involved in this activity.”

“Oh, should I have?”

“Would've been nice. I could've prepared myself.”

“Don't tell me you're afraid of boats.” Jocelyn scoffs.

“Well, not boats per se, obviously, but… the whole thing about being on the open sea in just a small _shell_ … I've just never felt really confident about all that.” Maggie eyes the boat with suspicion as Mr Knight gets it ready and begins to push it toward the water. 

“Who would've thought… Maggie Radcliffe is afraid of going on a boat. Who's the coward now, huh?”

“Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't get on it, it's just something I can live very well without, too.”

With her nose held high, Maggie marches over to Jocelyn's father and helps him push the last few inches. Jocelyn follows her with a smug smile on her face and steps into the boat, holding her hand out to Maggie to join her. Ever so careful, the blonde girl enters it, sitting down before Mr Knight gives it a push before getting in, too. He turns on the little motor in the back and takes them out to sea. But Maggie can't enjoy the trip. Her hands are tightly gripping to the edge on her side and her entire body is stiff as a board as she looks out onto the dark blue sea; danger seemingly just looming underneath the surface. Jocelyn on the other hand relaxes next to her, her face turned towards the sun to take in some warmth and vitamin D. She's always been a water child, loves being on and in it. When they're coming to a halt, she takes a look at Maggie whose face has gotten a lot paler since they started.

“Are you okay?” She asks and places her hand on her shoulder.

“Yup. Great. Thanks for checking.” 

A very staccato and unconvincing answer, given how Maggie still clenches to the edge. Jocelyn nods slowly and then rises to get her rod and position herself. The boat sways due to the movements, much to Maggie's dislike. 

“Nothing can happen, Maggie, we won't turn over. No worries.” 

Jocelyn tries to soothe her but it doesn't help. Only seconds later, Maggie's head is hanging over the edge and with retching sounds, her breakfast becomes fish food. The chunky puke on the surface only slowly floats away from the boat.

“Oh, Jesus, Maggie. You should have said a word before we put out.”

“It's fine, now, sir.” 

But her voice is quiet and stricken, telling a different story just as her still white face. Maggie still holds on to the edge as she spits water from her bottle into the sea to clean her mouth. 

“Dad, would you mind bringing us back to land?”

“I'm _fine_ , we don't have to go back.”

“No, you're not. You're as white as a wall and I will not have puke again.”

Maggie mutters incomprehensibly to herself as Jocelyn sits down next to her again and her father turns on the motor. During the ride back to the anchorage, Maggie has to focus hard not to empty herself into the sea another time. At one point, Jocelyn put her arm around her. With good intentions but it didn't really better Maggie's state as she just got a little more nervous with the hand on her arm and Jocelyn's side against her other arm. When they finally land, Maggie tumbles out of the boat and falls to her knees, thanking God for having made it back in one piece. Also because her legs feel wobbly from the nausea. Jocelyn lets herself down on the ground next to her as her father sets sail again. She wraps her arms around her pulled in legs and rests her head on them to gaze at Maggie who is sitting down, too, with her legs spread out.

“You're better now, aren't you?”

“Yeah. I am. I really don't like boats.”

“I could see. And smell.”

“You're welcome.” Maggie laughs.

“So, what are we going to do now?”

“Let's just sit here for a while. I don't think I can walk all the way back, yet.”

“Alright. Let's do that.”

With the sun burning lightly on each of their faces, they spent the next hour or so lying on the sand, the sounds of nature filling the comfortable silence they find themselves in. Maggie begins to lose herself in daydreaming. Or maybe yearning is the better term for her thoughts. She can't ignore Jocelyn's magnificent presence next to her own and her thoughts start to wander. What it would feel like to just take her hand into her own and entwine her fingers with Jocelyn's, to stroke her thumb across the beautiful, soft skin of the back of her delicate hand. Or if they'd move closer together and she'd run her fingers through Jocelyn's long, voluminous mane. Maybe all the while Jocelyn rests her head on Maggie's chest. The mental image, the phantom feeling of the weight on her chest makes her heart skip a beat. If only she was brave enough to just reach out to Jocelyn, stretch out her hand and fold it around the other one. But she can't move even an inch. Something's keeping her. _Damn it, Radcliffe, what's gotten into you?_ , Maggie thinks to herself, shaking the trance she seemed to have been in off herself. She tries to focus back on the sound of the sea and the warmth of the sun on her face, not noticing the slight gaze Jocelyn's casting into her direction.   
With her head turned just a little towards her friend, Jocelyn spies at Maggie lying next to her. She looks at the shape of her profile, the way her nose forms a cute, little triangle and the curve of her lips. Under the sun, her hair seems almost golden. Her eyes travel down, over Maggie's chin, her throat, over her chest… and her chest again. Jocelyn turns her eyes back upwards to the sky. She doesn't know what looking at Maggie like this just set free in her. Or why she feels so drawn in by the sight of her. Maggie is beautiful. But she noticed that from the beginning, when she was merely watching her from afar at school, being impressed by her boldness and confidence despite being the new girl. There was jealousy on how easy it seemed for Maggie to fit in while _she_ was still here struggling to make proper friends after all these years. Until Maggie started to set herself to become her friend. Why? _That_ she still can't wrap her mind around. But the more she is glad that Maggie did. Successfully. Her friendship is so special to Jocelyn, that closeness that one simply can't have with a parent. Or any other person on the parent level. Yes, she has some friends at school. But that's where these friendships stay. At school. They don't live on far outside its border. But with Maggie… She can tell her anything. Maggie is always there for her with some kind of advice, more or less serious. The more she thinks about her, the more she realises that Maggie is everything she is not. Daring and brave, loud and opinionated. Jocelyn has opinions. But it’s the expression of them that Maggie has mastered where as she rather stays silent, only saying them out loud when she feels absolutely comfortable in the current environment. 

“Now I didn’t get to see you fishing. What a shame.” Maggie rips Jocelyn out of her thoughts, making her sit up.

“Well, you’re not completely guilt-free. I could’ve caught plenty of fish if you hadn’t scared them off with your vomit.”

Maggie scoffs and sits up, too. “Please. _I_ wasn’t the one demanding to sail back. I would’ve been just fine.”

“Yeah, right.”

Maggie pushes against Jocelyn’s shoulder so the girl has to ram her hand into the sand in order not to fall to the side. As soon as she’s back in an upright position, she revenges herself and nudges her hard enough so Maggie falls onto her back. She laughs and tries to get back up but Jocelyn pushes her down with her hand on her chest. Maggie grabs Jocelyn’s wrist to remove her hand but there’s a quick second in which they lock their eyes and the world stops for a moment. And Maggie just gazes at those sky-channeling eyes with their little brown sprinkles, feeling her heart pick up pace. What if she’d just…

“Given that you cut me out of my fishing trip, I think I deserve an act of apology.” Jocelyn ends her moment before anything could happen.

“And what does Your Highness have in mind?” Maggie still lies under the pressure of Jocelyn’s hand.

“Wear a dress.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I’ve never been more serious.” Jocelyn smirks.

“Ugh, I’d rather go out to the bloody sea again so you can catch your fish.”

“I’m not letting you go _anywhere_ until you agree to wear a dress for me.”

“ _Why_?” Maggie screws up her face.

“It’s a need. A _vital_ need.”

“Okay, FINE. But one of mine at my house.”, She checks the watch on her wrist, “And it’s gotta be tomorrow, I’m afraid. We’ve been here so long, I ought to get back for lunch.”

She stares at Jocelyn, waiting to be freed from her hand still on her chest. Jocelyn ponders for a moment, going through her mental planner before letting her go. With an exhale, Maggie rises to her feet, still feeling the pressure on her chest.

“Okay, I’ll come to yours after school.”, Jocelyn joins her, “I can’t wait!”

She nudges her again with a smug grin on her face and Maggie can’t help but smile, too. If putting on a dress is all it takes to apologise to Jocelyn, then so be it. She’s seen her in trousers now so it’s just fair she’d see her in a stupid dress. 

“Right. Gotta go now. Will you accompany me to the fork?”

“No, I’ll wait for my father. Look, he’s already on his way back.” Jocelyn points to a small boat coming closer.

“Alright. See you tomorrow, then.”

Jocelyn winks. “Yes, see you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who are interested enough in this story to keep reading! :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> Also, I just want to promote my friend Sam's instagram (@ kojidub) again because... they made drawings of Maggie and Jocelyn in the 70s which I am so in love with and you guys you should see it too. :D


	4. All My Loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jocelyn finally visits Maggie for the first time, an emotional ride included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few quick things I wanted to say before this chapter, mostly concerning what time I have set this entire story in in my mind. While this could very well take place today, I always placed it more around the time these two would have actually been teenagers, but bending time to my liking, adding skateboards when obviously, at that time, that wouldn't have happened, and using music that would've come out when they were young adults. So I just wanted to give you an insight into what goes on in my mind but of course, if you see them in our modern world, that is just as great. :D   
> And now, I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter.

Maggie is frantically running around her room after school, shoving tried on clothes from the floor into her wardrobe and dirty ones into the laundry basket in the bathroom next door, piling her books back into her way too small bookshelf and throwing trash into the bin under her wooden desk in front of the window. She picks up all the loosely lying around pens and puts them back into the little self-made container on the desk before flattening her dark blue duvet and fluffing up the just as blue pillow so the bed looks presentable and offers a comfortable sitting possibility. Slightly out of breath, she lets herself down on her dark green spinning chair, kicks herself off with one foot and spins a round, rests her feet on her skateboard and lets her eyes wander around the room. The light blue walls with the occasional random band poster, her light wooden furniture placed against all four walls and the circular rug in a warm yellow in the middle of the room. Maybe she should vacuum before Jocelyn gets here, there is some fluff on it. As she sits here and decides whether or not to get the vacuum, it feels funny as well as weird to her how Jocelyn has never been here. She’s been to the house before but they never made it inside, especially not her room. They’re usually hanging out at Jocelyn’s or somewhere outside, at the beach or up on the cliffs. So it makes her kind of nervous to have Jocelyn coming over. More so than normally. And the fact that she can’t even be in her comfortable jeans, no, she promised to wear a dress for her best friend. Bollocks. But that reminds her, she has to tell her mother to let Jocelyn in and send her upstairs because Maggie wants to surprise Jocelyn in her room. Wearing the dress.   
Maggie hurries down the stairs two steps at a time and into their little kitchen where her mother is sitting at the table with her two years younger brother, going over his homework.

“What is it, honey?” Her mother, a blonde, courteous and frank middle-aged woman named Angela, looks at Maggie from across the room.

“Er, so Jocelyn’s coming round in a bit and I wondered…,” She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, “... if you could let her in and send her to my room instead of me opening the door?”

“Why can’t you open the door?”

“Well, I can but… I have a surprise for her because of something we talked about and I don’t want to give anything away before she’s in my room.”

“Oh, what’s the surprise?”

“I… promised her to wear a dress. Because she doesn’t believe I own any.”

“Oh. So you can wear a dress for your friend but not when I ask you to.”

“Mum! That’s not fair! I don’t like wearing it for her either. But I promised to show her. And I do wear them when you ask me to.”

“But only after an hour of protesting.”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”, Maggie gives her mother an upset and confused look, “Look, I promise I’ll never argue about wearing a dress with you again. Could you just do this one little thing for me?”

Angela directs her vision back to the book in front of her and sighs. “Yes, I’ll open the door and send Jocelyn up. No problem. Now let me get on here.”

“Thank you, mum!”

Maggie’s face lights up again before she swirls around and sprints back up the stairs to change. Just as she’s gotten out of her shirt, somebody knocks on her door. And opens it without hesitation. It’s her brother, Michael, barging in like it’s not a problem at all.

“Michael! I’m changing! Get out!” Maggie fumbles for her shirt on the floor to use it to shield herself.

“Do you love Jocelyn? Are you going to make out? Are you going to kiss her?”, He imitates kissing noises, “Are you a lesbo?”

Maggie feels the blood rushing to her head, especially after the last word. How dare he? Where did he even pick up that word? He is such a little dickhead. If their mother hears him accusing her of loving a girl, it’s over. Angela has expressed more than once that she thinks it’s unnatural and wrong of two people of the same sex to love each other. And it’s not been easy to realise that she might love girls and not boys with her mother around. She doesn’t know how her mother would react if she ever found out.

“Shut up, you idiot! Get out of my bloody room!”, Maggie forgets all about the shirt and just shoves her brother out of the door, “Don’t you have some homework to finish?”

“Went to the loo.”, Michael says before throwing a look at Maggie’s bra, “I bet she likes those.” Then turns and runs downstairs, just in time not to have a rendezvous with Maggie’s flat hand.

Maggie can barely restrain herself from screaming after him but manages to let her frustration turn into just a loud grunt before slamming her door shut. What did she do to be punished with this little, pubertal monster? She tears her hair and takes a couple of deep breaths to calm herself again. Focus on the good. Jocelyn is coming over soon. And she needs to change. She gets out of her trousers and pulls out her green, knee-long dress and throws it on herself. In front of the mirror attached to the inside of one of the wardrobe doors, she tugs the dress into position before staring into her own blue eyes. _I am a lesbo though, aren’t I_ , she thinks to herself as she musters her face. The slightly upturned nose, the rosy lips and round chin.   
Her brother has made the absolute correct assumption. She does like women. Girls. And always has, thinking back. She’s got along good with the boys but not because she fancied them, just because she kind of felt like them apparently. But the girls she admired. Or her female teachers. While her girl friends back in Wakefield had crushes on particular, handsome male teachers, like their maths teacher Mr. Robinson (and Maggie must admit that he definitely was good-looking), who really caught _her_ eye was her English teacher, Mrs. Green. A beautiful woman in her early forties, a couple of lines on her face, brown-green eyes and an auburn mane, often subdued in a low bun. Back then, Maggie couldn’t quite sort her feelings for Mrs. Green. But now she can pretty much say that she had a crush on her. And it did make studying a little bit harder sometimes because she’d just zone out gazing at her during class. How did she not realise sooner that she might be gay?  
Before being able to end that thought, she hears the doorbell ring and is pulled back into reality. Time to face her current crush. Her best friend. Jocelyn.

Jocelyn is guided inside by Maggie’s mother who she has briefly met before. She’s made a kind and polite impression on her, other than Maggie’s younger brother who seemed rather cheeky the last time she saw him. Apparently, that didn’t change much either, judging by the way he leans against the door frame to what must be the kitchen and the look he gives her. Jocelyn nods to him and he winks back with a smirk on his face. Whatever does that mean? Weird.   
Walking up the stairs, she takes a look at the photographs adorning the pastel yellow wall on the left side of the staircase. It’s the family through the years, many different people and then… Maggie as a toddler. Jocelyn stops and examines the photo. Yes, 100% her Maggie in a cute, little dress and a matching bow on her head. And next to her a giant, black dog, almost taller than the girl. Maggie is cheerily holding its leash in her tiny hands as she grins widely. The perfect opposite to the rather old and tired looking dog.

“One of my favourite photos of her.” Angela suddenly says, watching Jocelyn from the bottom of the stairs.

“I can see why. It’s precious.”

“She was. Bit hyperactive but a sweet, little girl. That dog loved her even if he doesn’t look like it. She used to really snuggle up to him.”

A soft smile forms on Jocelyn’s face staring at the photo. She turns her head to look at Angela and she looks almost sad, even though she’s slightly smiling, too. 

“Is… everything alright?” Jocelyn asks hesitatingly.

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. I just sometimes miss part of that girl. But anyway, I should let you get up and get on in the kitchen myself.” 

And with that, she hurries away. What a strange thing to say. Jocelyn takes a last and now wondering look at the photo and then takes the last few steps before standing in front of the first white door on the right. Maggie’s room. There’s that excited feeling in her stomach back again, that slight tingle that always accompanies her when she’s close to seeing her friend. It’s a good thing, right?  
Jocelyn knocks on the door and only seconds later, it swings open. A bright smiling Maggie is standing on the other side of the open door, gesturing her inside. And what is that cheery Maggie wearing? A dress! Jocelyn can barely believe her eyes as she steps inside and turns around to take a good look at Maggie after she’s closed the door again. It almost feels like another person in front of her in that lovely simple green dress, reaching down to her knees and exposing her arms. 

“Who are you and what have you done with my friend Maggie Radcliffe?” Jocelyn jokes with a grin on her face.

“Oh, stop it.” Maggie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“This is the first time I see the actual shape of your upper body! It exists!” Her finger pokes into Maggie’s tummy before she breaks into laughter.

Maggie watches Jocelyn enjoying herself, losing herself in the sound of her voice as she laughs. So honest and free. Not an ounce of madness about the comment she made since she knows it’s just banter. She spreads her arms to the side, sort of presenting herself.

“Well, take a good look because you won’t see it again after today.”

Jocelyn does as she’s told and suddenly there’s that _tension_ in the room as she stares at Maggie. And they both can sense it. Maggie holds her breath while feeling Jocelyn’s eyes on herself, mustering her.

“It, er, suits you. You look really pretty, Mags. But-”, Jocelyn tears her eyes away and looks behind herself to let herself down on the made bed, “I like you just as much in your jeans and shirts. Because this isn’t you. No matter how good you look.” She ends her compliment with a genuine smile.

Maggie sits down on her desk chair, parting her legs, then realising once again what she’s wearing and crosses her legs. “Thanks. I like myself in jeans and shirts more, too.”

Hearing Jocelyn talk about her being beautiful… it just makes her heart beat faster. These words have just engraved themselves in her brain. She could kiss her right here and now. There’s an urge inside of her telling her to sit next to Jocelyn instead of on the chair and seek for her closeness. But there’s also her conscience telling her not to test her luck too much. Especially not this fast.

“You can change if you want to, you know. You’ve fulfilled your duty.”

“Oh no, it’s fine.”, Maggie replies, still riding on the high of Jocelyn’s compliment, “It’s not _that_ bad.”

“Mh, so I get to enjoy the dress a bit longer; fabulous.”

Jocelyn leans back and props herself up on her elbows to take a look at the new territory she finds herself in. “You have a nice room. I like the colours.” Then she spots a photo on a drawer opposite her and gets to her feet again.

“Oh, that’s…”, Maggie follows Jocelyn with her eyes, “... that’s from my last year in Wakefield.”

Jocelyn picks up the framed photo and examines a beaming Maggie with a certificate in her hand. It looks like it was taken at school because there are people passing in the back inside of a building.

“Did you win something?”

“Yeah. We were supposed to write articles for English class and the best ones were sent in to our local newspaper and… they picked mine to be published.” Maggie straightens her back. She’s quite proud of this accomplishment.

“Hey, that’s huge! Congratulations! This is proof that you’ve got a great journalist career coming for you.”

“Thanks, I hope so. I can’t _wait_ to finish school.”

“Mh, me neither.” Jocelyn responds a little absent-mindedly, staring at Maggie’s smile on the photo.

“Well, you’re as good as done where as I still have 1 1/2 years ahead of me.”

“It’s going to go by faster than you think, trust me.”, Jocelyn puts down the photo and her view falls on the small vinyl collection on the bottom shelf of the otherwise crammed book shelf, “How come I didn’t know you collected?”

“I guess it just never came up?” Maggie gets up from her chair and fails to put her hands into the non-existent pockets of her dress, ending up awkwardly moving them around, “We can listen to something, if you like. Your choice.”

Jocelyn kneels down and flips through the covers, pulling out a Beatles album from between an AC/DC and a The Police album. Neither of which she has listened to before. But The Beatles she knows and likes, especially this early album, ‘With The Beatles’. She hands the vinyl to Maggie who has pulled a forest-green player out from under her bed while she was busy looking at her collection. 

“The Beatles. Good choice.” 

Maggie opens the player and lets the black vinyl slip out of the cover, gently putting it into position before moving the tonearm and cautiously pressing it down. Only moments later the sounds of the first song, It Won’t Be Long, fill the room. At first, the two girls stand awkwardly in the middle of the room until Maggie begins to move along to the music, gathering more and more confidence again the longer she does it. She starts to lip sync as she dances around her small room with Jocelyn in the middle who is loosening up as well. By the end of the second song they’re both happily jumping around, showing each other their best moves. Then the third song, All My Loving, comes on and carefree Maggie takes the chance to put her hands over Jocelyn’s eyes for a short moment as she stands behind her and sings along to the lyrics.

_“Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you, remember I’ll always be true. And then while I’m away, I’ll write home every day.”_

Maggie dances around Jocelyn, acting out the lyrics to the song and pointing her fingers at her during the next line.

_“And I’ll send all my loving to you! I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing  
And hope that my dreams will come true.”_

Jocelyn’s moves become fewer as she watches Maggie dance and sing-along, making it seem as if she’s singing about _her_. Like this is not Paul McCartney speaking but Maggie herself. It looks like an act but it doesn’t quite feel like it. And it’s… she doesn’t know what it is. Scary? Weird? Exciting? It makes her feel _something_ and she’s not sure if she’s entirely comfortable with whatever that is. Maggie doesn’t leave her much time to think as she suddenly grabs her hands to motivate her to dance with her again. Jocelyn smiles at her, examining her face at the same time, trying to see what exactly is going on behind those big blue eyes. But she just looks like she’s simply enjoying herself and not putting more weight on the words she sings than Jocelyn thinks. Jocelyn needs a moment to loosen up before twirling around on Maggie’s yellow rug again. They’re twirling so much while holding on to each other that suddenly, Jocelyn loses her balance, trips over her own two feet and falls backwards onto Maggie’s bed, pulling her along since she didn’t let go in order to maybe, unsuccessfully, save herself.   
Now Maggie lies halfway on top of Jocelyn, laughing from how much fun she was having. But that laughter turns into just heavy breathing as she holds herself just inches away from Jocelyn’s face. The seconds extend into what feels like forever as she studies the freckles on Jocelyn’s nose and in her eyes. She doesn’t even notice her own hand moving upwards to then remove a strand of that gorgeous dark blonde hair from Jocelyn’s face. Jocelyn looks back at her with slightly furrowed eyebrows before laughing a little.

“Get _off_ me, you’re getting heavy!”

She says it jokingly, but she really does need Maggie to free her. Coming back to her senses, Maggie rolls to the side and then sits up, nervously fumbling with her hands in her lap as she stares at the opposite wall, The Beatles still happily singing in the background. Jocelyn straightens herself and sits next to Maggie in silence for a small while. Out of the corner of her eye, she tries to watch Maggie and figure out what she might be thinking. There’s no doubt about what she is thinking. And there’s that question that is just waiting to be asked out loud, ready to jump out of her mouth. And it does.

“Maggie… You’re not a… “homosexual”, right?”

Maggie’s eyes widen. Oh lord. She was not prepared for such a blunt question. From Jocelyn. The way she said ‘homosexual’ sounded so… accusing. Or is that just how she interprets it? Her mind goes blank when she opens her mouth to reply. Wow. Should she admit to being one? Thinking that she might be?

“I- … No! No. Of course not! What gave you that impression?” 

Well. Apparently, she can’t be honest about herself quite yet. There is too much fear to lose Jocelyn as a friend inside of her. She can’t possibly tell her until she has figured out what her view on homosexuality is. 

“I just… I don’t know. I mean, you… dress rather boy-ish most of the time. I guess that’s all…”, That is definitely not all. Is this disappointment she’s feeling about Maggie’s answer?, “I mean, not that I wouldn’t like you anymore if you were, obviously. I was just wondering… Oh, I’m not either, if you’re thinking that now.” Oh God.

“I wasn’t, don’t worry.” _But I was hoping._

Maggie smiles shyly at her, slightly heartbroken but at the same time relieved that she wouldn’t unfriend her over sexual preferences. Still, her dreams have been crushed. The little fantasies she had of Jocelyn being more than a friend to her, the two of them cuddling on her bed together, a new kind of closeness. Small kisses on Jocelyn's beautiful, full lips. Yet, does she fully believe Jocelyn? She could just be in denial about her own feelings. Framing herself as heterosexual because that is the norm and if there's someone afraid of living outside of that norm, it's Jocelyn. She sticks to the rules, lives her life the way it's expected of her and doesn't take big risks. Maybe there is still some hope left? But today is not the time to find out. Not anymore, not after this talk. Maggie keeps playing with her own fingers, feeling caught and somehow empty.

Jocelyn can’t stand this awkwardness and tries to change the subject. “So, I was looking at that photo of you and that big, old dog when walking upstairs, which is adorable by the way, you were so cute, and your mother said something kind of odd…”

“What did she say?” Maggie turns to look at Jocelyn, expecting the worst, but still glad about the change of topic.

“She seemed rather sad and said she misses part of that girl. Did anything happen? What does she mean?”

“Oh.”, Maggie looks past Jocelyn for a moment, “Well, she’s just not happy that I don’t like wearing her dress choices anymore, she doesn’t like the music I listen to, doesn’t like that I skate… It’s actually hard to think of something she _does_ like about me.”, She thinks for a moment, “Oh, she likes that I’m interested in cooking and learning different recipes. Guess that’s because it would make me a good wife to a man someday. Bleugh.”

“Hm, okay. You told me you two don’t always see eye to eye but it sounds like she’s not even really accepting you as a person. I’m sorry.” Jocelyn gently places her hand on the small of Maggie’s back.

“It’s fine, I can live with it. I know she still loves me, and I love her, but we just have our difficulties. I still have my father, though, eh. He should be back from work soon, too.”, The pressure of the hand on her back is making her nervous so Maggie rises to her feet again, “Have you ever listened to AC/DC?” She turns and gazes at Jocelyn who shakes her head, “Then I’m going to introduce you.”

Maggie fingers for the right vinyl, AC/DC’s first album, High Voltage, and exchanges the playing one for the new one. Music will help rid the air of the awkward vibe that's been hanging around. And let her forget, even if only temporarily, Jocelyn's apparent sexual orientation.   
Jocelyn sits on the edge of the bed, expectantly. The first guitar strums start playing before being joined by a drum, creating a rhythm that not even the rather conventional Jocelyn can escape tapping her foot to. Maggie grabs her air guitar and makes a performance out of the band introduction, jumping around and banging her head, her hand moving tirelessly up and down in front of her torso. By no later than the second half of the song, Jocelyn is pretending to be the drummer, hitting the imaginary drums around her with passion. The show goes on for a couple more songs, Maggie the greatest pretend lead singer and guitarist this room has ever seen and Jocelyn constantly switching between being drummer, guitarist and background dancer. Until suddenly the door opens and a male face lurks into the room, growing both of them confused for a second. Maggie stumbles to the player and turns it off. The door opens further and her father, a tall, dark haired man in a loose beige shirt with the sleeves rolled up over a regular gray t-shirt and brown trousers held up by an even darker belt, steps into the room with a kind look on his face, framed by a scruff. In his left hand he clutches his dirty overall he wears for work in the industry.

“Oh, hi, dad!” Maggie exclaims breathlessly and smiles brightly at him.

“Hello, Mags.”, Bert looks at Jocelyn, “Hello, Jocelyn, fancy seeing you here. Welcome.”

Jocelyn steps towards him and stretches out her right hand. “Hello, sir. Good to be here.”

She is panting just as much as her friend and feels the blood rush into her cheeks from the embarrassment of being walked in on. Not that they did anything forbidden, obviously. But she has never met Maggie’s father before and this is his first impression of her. Her first impression of him is definitely a good one. He’s polite, kind and didn’t start the conversation by complaining about the noise. That must be a good sign. And Maggie giving him a short hug now that he returns with a kiss on her head. Easy to do as he is more than a head taller than her. 

“I hate being the bearer of bad news but your mother wants you to turn the, and I quote, ‘God-awful screeching’ down. Sorry, petal. But I bet you two can have fun without fabulous music blasting through the entire house, too, right?” He smiles apologetically at the girls.

“No problem, I’ll turn it down, if Her Majesty is so bothered by this excellence.”

Bert gives Maggie a satisfied grin, nudging her a little, before closing the door behind him again, his steps moving downstairs again. Jocelyn can’t help but smile at the exchange she just witnessed.

“You two seem to be on the same wavelength.” She turns to Maggie who gets the music going again, quieter this time so it becomes more of a background noise.

“Totally. I love my dad. He’s cool. He lets me be and actually introduced me to a lot of the music I’m listening to now. He just doesn’t care as much as my mother. It’s great.” Maggie falls back down on her bed, on leg thrown over the other.

Jocelyn joins Maggie and sits cross-legged opposite her. “Tell me more about your family. Uncles, aunts, cousins, grandfathers and -mothers, everyone.”

“Why?” Maggie scoffs a little.

“Because I want to know how you came to be the person you are. You know, you’re the sum of all the people before you. So tell me some interesting facts about this family of yours.”

And Maggie begins, climbing along her family tree, jumping from branch to branch to give Jocelyn what she wants. Telling all the funny and bizarre stories that she knows, little anecdotes about her relatives until she can’t think of any more and it’s time for Jocelyn to leave again before it gets too dark out. Maggie accompanies her to the door.

“I had such fun today. Maybe I should come over to _you_ more often.” Jocelyn says, already on the front porch.

“Me too. I’d love to have you here more. I can introduce even more awesome bands to you and then you can annoy your folks, too.” Maggie cracks a big smile.

Jocelyn laughs. “Can’t wait. Now, I really should go. See you tomorrow at school.” She leans in for a hug.

Maggie wraps both arms around Jocelyn, her nose shortly buried in the long hair, breathing in her soft, slightly lavender-ish shampoo before letting go again.

“See you tomorrow, as lively as ever.”


End file.
